I hate any word associated with death, hospital and illness. Death all around is what I see lately. Technology kills the babies. Where are the summer days of youth, when we laid down on the green grass, staring at blue sky, licking ice cream cone? When I had hope that the world will become better, but is it really better?
History reads like a horror story. It’s all craziness. Then came cartoons. It taught kids to fight evil and become strong, but are we really fighting evil at this age in time? Are we just all hopeless narcissists who can’t handle the truth? We are small, very small.
When I was 5, inside the classroom, I had hope staring at the poster of a globe with people of all colors holding hands. We had dreams. Big dreams. Thought humanity was making progress. What happen to those days?
It’s lawless now or is it just that Mom made everything felt so safe that I didn’t think twice about how mad the world is.
Gloomy sky all the time. Lover of flesh always die.
Underneath the grey sky
When things are quiet and subtle
My heart begins to move with the waves
I feel safe
I feel free, and
I don’t understand much about computers either,
“God is here”
Why do brain feel numb?
Why is body hurting?
Body is a machine.
Need to eat.
When I am gloomy I like to clean. I like to clean my place and I like to clean my blog. As I was organizing my blog posts, I noticed maybe I should proofread before I hit the “Publish” button. I am so embarrassed, hehe. I made several typos. Oh what a pain! I have to go through all my posts and make it pretty so that I can appear to be somewhat professional, even though I am just writing for fun. Although lately, I think I should be more serious about what I want to achieve from this blog. What I intended for this blog in the first place has shifted. I was writing about games, but now I want to focus on my poems and songs. I would like to become a full-time poet/lyricist actually.
Yes, these days, I play games seldomly. I did get my copy of Shenmue. I enjoy it but didn’t get very far. I am at the part where I need to join the mafia to figure out who is the tattoo artist. So far, it’s a fun detective/drama type game. I feel like I am playing an Asian soap opera.
One character that stood out to me the most is the old lady. She kept telling Ryo (the protagonist) baby Ryo to stop wasting time. Somehow I feel that she was speaking to me as well. I kept pressing X so she got annoyed and told me I’m hitting on her. So funny! Yeah, I will continue on my investigation. Similarly, my friends are like the old lady in Shenmue. I am being lectured to cultivate my creative side and stop wasting time. So that’s what I have been doing other than cleaning my place. Telling an artistic person to be organize is like asking her to do the impossible. Never know when inspiration strike! Once I am gone I am gone! It does take me a whole day to clean because I get distracted easily.
Anyway, this blog will be quiet for some time. No gaming related content, as I am planning for a vacation. From now on, I think I will do this Blog Report Card because it helps me put things into perspective. I was so close to deleting the blog after all this work. I confess, I was feeling a bit stiff, as if I can’t breathe. I started asking myself what’s the point? I know that my opinions are not popular, but then I realize I am going to stand up for it anyway! And I don’t give a damn if I am a commentless blog in Seattle as one blogger pointed out. Blogging is for my personal enrichment. If I write to gratify people it will become a chore. I already have a full-time job. I don’t need more stress in my life. Unless you pay me, then I will entertain you gladly.
As for my final grade for my blog—I will give it a C+. Need to have a clear focus or else I’m just wasting time writing when I could be relaxing. We all know that writing takes time. On a good note, I think I have been good at attempting to be consistent. That’s quite an accomplishment for me since I get bored easily. By now, I think my blog would have been deleted. Thank goodness, I read my old posts. I put a lot of time into it so I will stick around.
If you want a friend just connect to Lain. Place the cursor over the email icon. Then click twice to open link. Do you have a message? Who is it from?
I am just conscience
without a body.
Nice to meet you.”
If you iron your thoughts,your reality will appear to make sense. Put words in a dress and yet the meaning is still hidden. Eyes can see everything and yet still blind.
Just delete bad memories if you don’t want to remember. Just delete yourself if you don’t want to exist. Even if we delete ourselves, we are still connected.
This is a free verse/doodling for the animated series Serial Experiments Lain. What possessed me to watch it? Somehow, I remember an old chat friend telling me this was his favorite anime. He once said, “All you need is one person to believe in you.” I disagree. Actually, the only person you need to connect with is yourself. Once you are in tuned with yourself, then you can connect with others in a healthy way.
Poetry is meant to be heard. There’s no reason to keep it hidden. I read my own poem.
There was once a man
across the ocean
who spoke few words.
for two souls to meet.
“Love is never everlasting,”
So then I wonder–
what’s the point
if love rise
then fall like waves?
Here lies the pretty butterfly.
Pretty girls die.
Pretty girls die.
I paint my lips red;
smoke your cigarette.
hiking up the skirt a bit higher,
So I can fly.
Because pretty girls die,
here lies the pretty butterfly,
Poem is dedicated to a friend who is moving across the world. Her feminist talk and story about her unsuccessful dating life always made me laugh. I miss her so much already. She has one of the biggest heart I’ve ever known. It’s unfortunate that feminism has a bad connotation. Feminism doesn’t mean competing with the counterparts; it’s about complementing one another and celebrating our differences. There are bigger things to worry about than fighting between the sexes. In truth, I think everyone just wants to feel appreciated and loved.
[To my friend] I hope you find happiness and love in the next chapter of your life. You are like a beautiful flower that brings things to life.